i have been listening to a fair bit of Regina spektor lately.

and to be brutally honest with you, her music makes you question and wonder whether or not the substance of your being is substantiated by your actions. you try and try to please and work around peoples problems and opinions. You believe yourself to be the guilty party, and probably for the most part, you are. But as i see it, our world isn't measured by rights and wrongs or by the fabric of our lives. rather its measured by one factor. one colour.

Blue.

Blue lips, blue veins.

blue, the colour of our planet from far, far away.



we are human, and the hardest lesson Ive had to learn is that being human is natural and perfection and balance are unnatural, they never work nor do they exist. I take everything that Ive seen so far in this short life of mine not at face value. Rather i try to see past the exterior, its hard.

its hard to see the positive in a shit situation, but as humans, our greatest strength is our faith in each other. don't forget one another.

once the ones you love are gone, there are no more conversations, no arguments, no words, no laughter. there's no warm, no cold, no struggle and no great story of overcoming great adversity. just the stranger at the bus stop who says hello and smiles.



be human, stay human.

PEGZ THIS FRIDAY!!!!!

this world which raptures yet repels simultaneously, confuses me and pushes me towards different outlets of expression and personal rebellion. i wear many masks and i sometimes fear that these masks will eventually define who i am and who ive become all the years. all these years pishing myself to be someone i thought was the best i could be, i now realise i was pushing in the wrong direction. i shouldnt have even been pushing myself in the first place. i should have allowed myself to be. allowed myself to flourish. and whatever would be, would be. but by the same token i take these experiences as a learning curve and take the fork in the road and put it in the direction i feel i should be heading. we all make our own destiny, and all out faults we have only ourselves to blame...

but by the same token, for every conquest. relish the moment, because you, and only you made that one moment happen. be yourself, be confident, have the self discipline and the fortitude to stand your ground and fight for what is right, and what is yours.


never lose sight of that.

i awoke this morning to crisp air and the smell of dew. the world seemed enchanting once more. turn my eyes to the sky and i notice the sun peering down upon me through a hazey cloud. its amazing how something so simple as a beautiful day can make you realise how much everything in your life means to you. how in one moment you can be sitting down drowning your sorrows through the betrayal of another and moping about all the things you want. and now with an enlightened perspective i sit here oblivious to the things i dont have. and you know what...



it is by far the most liberating feeling i have ever experienced.

and to the darkest depths, i hate myself. the facade i have projected for so long has now engulfed me and taken over. ive had enough of being ashamed. i want to be me and be free. i dont want people to expose the worst in me, i want to see the best for myself. ive never seen that side. ive never been happy to accept myself, i dont know who i am.

im lost. plain and simple.




dont come looking.